Noche de Misterio

Last night, the 11-strong international criminal gang behind the Ocean Initiatives robbery gathered at the flat of Scarlett "Thrice" Nightly in downtown Madrid to split their haul. Don Paulo "The Step-Father" Testoronio, the mob master mind behind the heist, had arrived with the cash and stashed it somewhere. Unfortunately for him he was as detested as he was feared by the motely collection of criminals, gangsters and lushes he had assembled; he wasn't likely to last the night. Unfortunately for them the poison somebody slipped him kicked in before he'd dolled out the cash.
Cue a frantic search of the flat following cryptic clues to find the stash and select a scapegoat to hang out to dry for the death of the Testoronio family patriarch. There was no honour among thieves, and as the initial chaos subsided there was a rash of blackmail, speculation, accusations and challenges among those gathered (including such underhand tactics as stealing the clues - not in the script!) No stone - or picture - was left unturned.
Eventually Constancia "Cracker" Colinas, the spurned former Miss Murcia, found where Don Paulo had hidden the cold hard cash. Relief flooded the room. All that remained was to unmask the killer. Suspicious to the end, the gang-members finally pooled their knowledge. Chiara "60 Segundos" Di Namite, the glamorous Italian explosives expert, was the first to grasp the shocking implications of their revelations.It was Babyface!! The pint sized kitten burglar, obsessed with Scarlett, had clearly decided that with Don Paulo out the way there would be less competition for the nightclub singer's affections. Milk, not money, had been the motivation all along.

Spanish bureaucracy

It's a Catch 22. I can't get a Resident's bank account without an NIE (Numero de Indentidad de Extranjero) and I can't get a non-Resident's bank account without proof of income; unfortunately my only proof of income is my contract at the language school which proves that I AM resident in Spain and therefore am ineligible for a non-Resident's bank account. I need a Resident's bank account which I can't get until.....

You get the picture.

So now you're asking "Is it hard to get an NIE?" Well, no. You just go along to a police station, fill in a form, hand over a photocopy of your passport, show the original, pay a 10 euro administration charge and you are issued with the number. The tricky part is getting an appointment at a police station; such are the numbers of foreign nationals in Madrid that the earliest my employers could secure me an appointment for was May. I guess I should be thankful that's May this year!

Happily though, Kate's employers - who pay their staff on a freelance basis and therefore need them to get their NIE's as soon as possible - have a handy little wheeze to get around this. As they have an office in the beautiful nearby provincial town of Segovia, they issue their teachers with a Segovia address and get them an appointment there. Hence Kate and I got up at 5.45am this morning to catch a bus to Segovia (where it was snowing) to get her NIE. We were back in Madrid by 11am and immediately went to the bank so Kate could open an account.

Of course I'm not allowed my own debit card (residents and non-residents can't share accounts) so I'm going to have to hand over my entire salary to Kate and live on cash handouts from her until May.

So no change there then!