I've never been the maternal type - despite adoring my various nieces and nephews, I always fitted the "glamorous auntie" persona better than the nurture-intensive alternatives. I only ever had a few mildly broody moments and nothing approaching babyhunger. It was getting together with Theo that turned me on to the idea of creating a family, hence why I left it until the eve of my fortieth year to test out my own fertility. Before that, I'd resigned myself to remaining childless and while that was a source of some regret, the regret was fairly small.
So I'm as surprised as anyone at how I've taken to the whole business of being a mum. I'm not saying I'm especially good at it or anything like that, but it feels very right, somehow. I hear of so many first-time mums describing their shock at the change in their life and the guilt and anxiety that comes with it, but I haven't felt anything like that. I feel incredibly privileged to have the care of this little person and I'm enjoying sharing my life with her. Having a husband who is incredibly affectionate and supportive definitely helps and although yes, the broken nights are tiring, it all feels very worthwhile, somehow. I'm sure there will be times when I will feel like tearing my hair out or running away, but one month in, I'm loving it.
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