YOU DO WHAT...??!

I blame Watchdog.

It has to be the reason broadcasters are regarded as such stratospheric insurance risks, especially it seems, for camper vans.

When trying to get insurance for our new van there were two factors that continually told against us. Not being able to keep the vehicle off the public road was one. Understandable, perhaps. Although what you can do about that when you live in a flat in the middle of a city (without shelling out stupid amounts of money) is rather limited.

But when my profession was described as "broadcaster" we were turned down flat. Again and again. Why?

I explained that to all intents and purposes my job is an office job, but the office happens to have a microphone in it. I walk the eight minutes into work and have no plans to use the camper van in the course of my duties anyway. I'm on a staff contract and covered by statutory sick pay, so no expensive loss-of-earnings claims after an accident. I am not a celebrity. The closest I ever got to that was having a small profile piece in Venue Magazine, hardly A list. I wouldn't be using the camper van to ferry bona fide celebrities about because I wouldn't be using it for work reasons. And I don't move in starry social circles either, so would be unlikely to take Tom Cruise with us to any European campsites (not that I would particularly want to anyway). And I certainly wouldn't be using the van as an outside broadcast vehicle.

Do they think all that FM rots our brains and impedes our driving ability? That we might mistake the gearstick for a microphone and spontaneously read out the football results during an overtaking manoeuvre? Or feel impelled to try and record a quick soundbite every time we saw a blue flashing light? That we might mistake the red traffic signal for "Microphone Live"?

Nope, it must be because of Watchdog taking the industry to task once too often. But don't blame me - Nicky Campbell is hardly my fault.

In the end, I got a special type of insurance aimed at people wanting to tour Europe in a camper van. The nice man at Ensign didn't care about the Broadcasting or that the van is on the public highway (although technically it isn't because it's actually getting fixed in the garage at the moment) - as long as we get on continental roads pronto, we're insured. Fully comp, at less than £450.